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Fr. Anthony Bio [Home] || <--Go to Chapter 9 || -->Go to Chapter 11
Autobiography of Father Anthony Kosturos
Chapter 10
Unexpected Event
In my third year of Seminary life, I came to Lowell, Massachusetts for the holidays with a classmate. The classmate had four cousins. When
we visited them, something eventful happened which changed my life. Upon entering the home, I noticed one of his cousins to the right of the
door washing dishes at the sink. Her appearance, her demeanor, her smile affected me in a way which I had never imagined could happen to me.
After all, I had made it clear to the Dean of the Seminary, and to myself, that I would be a celibate priest. Subsequently, I learned that
she was very religious. She had even contemplated becoming a nun. You can imagine the mixed feelings I began to experience. From the very
moment I had decided to become a priest at twelve years old, until this moment, celibacy was my given goal as a priest. You may imagine the
conflict I began to feel inside my mind and heart, when, for the first time, this young lady, named Mary, now preoccupied my thinking. My
attraction to her was wholly pure and innocent, but real. For the next three years, this preoccupation with the impression she had made on
me caused me countless moments of inner conflict. "I am not going to change my mind. I shall be a celibate priest," I would say to myself.
I tried to ward off the thought of changing my mind. Besides, I didn't even know if she liked me. She never showed it in a way which would
single out that she did. I became so conscious of this conflict, that when visiting her home with my classmate I would talk with her sisters
primarily, even as I felt the desire to converse with her, which I did to a point. This conflict began to challenge my sense of commitment
to celibacy, and I was determined to follow through and become a single priest. Bishop Cavadas knew about my commitment to celibacy, and,
eventually, so did Archbishop Athenagoras.
Conflict Resolved
In my fifth year of study, I was among those who traveled to Ohio for the ordination of one of our seminarians. I was a member of the
Seminary Choir. My classmate, who had assured me that he too would be celibate, informed me that he decided to marry. This did not swerve
me from my conviction to become a celibate priest. I returned to Lowell to tell the mother's classmate that he had decided to marry. She
literally danced with joy. She had not wanted her son to be a celibate priest, knowing who lonely that way of life can be. She said, "You
too should find someone to marry." I told her: "Thia, I am determined to be celibate." While there, Mary's sister, Kay, rushed form her
house to her Aunt's, where I was, opened the door and said: "You will marry my sister." I said: "Kay, are you kidding?" She replied:
"Don't you know my sister loves you?" I was dumbfounded. "Kay, what are you saying? How do you know that?" She said: "I will tell you."
Kay began to tell me what convinced her that her sister cared for me. She didn't even know at first. They had gone to a picnic while I was
in Ohio. They heard that the young man from California was returning to San Francisco. They were misinformed by someone's remarking that
the San Franciscan was returning to marry someone there. When her sister, Mary, heard this, she said to Kay that she didn't feel good and
wanted to go home. When Kay asked her, "What's wrong Mary?" She replied: "Well to tell you the truth, I would have wanted to marry that
seminarian if he planned to marry." She then told Kay how she felt about me. When I heard this, I realized that something very important
was taking place in my life. After Kay left, I retired to a room to think, and think hard, and concluded that I should stop deceiving myself. I decided then, after due deliberation, prayerfully, to make a decision I had never contemplated, altogether contrary to realizing my dream of celibate priesthood.
Proposal
Upon my classmate's return to his home in Lowell, I had decided that I would propose to Mary, and I informed my parents of this change of
mind. My mother was home when I called. She was shocked. Already, plans had been made that I be ordained in San Francisco, where I had
grown up. She had even made koufeta (sugared almonds) to denote that I was being "married" to the Church as a celibate priest. I assured
her that the person I had in mind was special. Then, with my classmate, who was her cousin, we went to Mary's house; I took her aside, and
asked if she were willing to share her life with me. Her answer was inspiringly positive.
Divine Providence
My eventful change of plans to become a married priest rather than a celibate is a dramatic illustration of God's guiding us. If I had not
gone to Ohio to participate in the ordination of a seminarian, and if I had not been informed by my sister-in-law, Kay, that her sister cared
for me, I would be a celibate priest now. Why? While we were in Ohio, Bishop Cavadas received a telegram from Archbishop Athenagoras to send
me to San Francisco to be ordained the following Sunday. The telegram arrived in Boston while I was in Ohio. My change of mind took place
upon my return to the Boston area. I informed Bishop Cavadas of the turn of events. He smiled paternally and manifested satisfaction. He
preferred that we be married as parish priests, even though he was celibate. He told us often how lonely the life of a celibate can be.
That trip to Ohio changed my life completely. I was given the privilege to share my priesthood with a wife, whose sense of self-sacrifice,
marital love, and understanding of the priesthood has been exemplary. I once asked her, "Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"
She replied: "I didn't want to be the obstacle to your becoming celibate."
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